Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
