Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
