Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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