ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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