Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
