Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize