connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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