just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize