i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
