My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
