I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
