you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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