as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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