In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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