when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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