I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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