I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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