I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
