Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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