I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize