I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
