so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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