Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I believe in your delicious
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
