i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
