I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
