a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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