We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
