just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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