In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
