so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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