So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just tell him i said nine months
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
