i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
