Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
