You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
