Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
