My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
