Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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