I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dear god my vagina.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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