Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
