Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You did what with his pubic hair?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
