I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
