if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
