she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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