Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
