I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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