Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
