I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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