If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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