Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
