Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
