I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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