it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You are the jesus of drinking
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I believe in your delicious
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize