It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
