we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
