Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't turn off my feet"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
