its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
