So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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