i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i think i have two assholes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
