Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
