awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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