fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
