Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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