Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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