wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
