i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize