Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
