i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
