i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
