i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
