She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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