I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
