i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize