I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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