how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
