I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
