According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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