Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
