I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
