I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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